If You Could See Me Now

Rachel sang this song at the funeral. Some of the audio is hard to understand so I wanted to share the lyrics here .. what a powerful message!

Our prayers have all been answered. I finally arrived.
The healing that had been delayed has now been realized.
No one's in a hurry. There's no schedule to keep.
We're all enjoying Jesus, just sitting at His feet.

Chorus:
If you could see me now, I'm walking streets of gold.
If you could see me now, I'm standing strong and whole.
If you could see me now, you'd know I've seen His face.
If you could see me now, you'd know the pain is erased.
You wouldn't want me to ever leave this place,
If you could only see me now.

My light and temporary trials have worked out for my good,
To know it brought Him glory when I misunderstood.
Though we've had our sorrows, they can never compare.
What Jesus has in store for us, no language can share. (Chorus twice)

You wouldn't want me to ever leave this perfect place
If you could only see me now
If you could see me now
If you could only see me now

Reflections

We are driving back towards Atlanta today -- in the rain. Three years ago today, we made a trip to the cemetery to lay my mother to rest. We actually didn't expect Dad to make it another three years before joining her in heaven. The last three years have been difficult for him -- health wise but probably most, missing Mother more than he could imagine.

There were days when he called me and told me simply, "I'm lonely today." And we would talk and share and usually I would remind him of a humorous time in their lives and we would laugh together. Many times he would call for Rachel to come and 'sit for a while' ... just to have one of the kids close. He so loved his boys but I think we gals (and especially Rachel) so reminded him of the lady he had loved so very long. We can never adequately express our appreciation to Rachel for the sacrifice of love she has given over these past years!!

On top of the casket, there were 26 orchids along with roses. Why orchids? Maybe it's because my mother's nickname for my dad was "Orky" .. wow, surprise, huh? It was their 'flower' .. and we have carried that down through our 'generation' .. on Mother's Day this year when we were heading up to Jene's graduation, my dad had asked that Jene' pick up orchid corsages for Rachel and me .. a reminder of the love our parents had for each other. I carried orchids in my wedding -- what more appropriate expression of love could we give than to place the orchids -- 6 children, 20 grandchildren -- in honor of the love they had for each other.

My dad treated my mother like a queen! Never did I see her open a car door for herself and he would wait until she was seated before he shut the door. I realized last night how my dad has passed that down -- Joel brought me back to Indy and as we went to the car, he went to my side first, opened the door and waited for me to be comfortably seated before closing it! My comment was, "Wow, just like Dad!"

Today, I'm honoring them together because I can't begin to express my joy (yes, joy) that they are celebrating being together again. While I am not happy that they are gone, we have great joy!!

How do you summarize 84 years on a piece of paper?

I wrote this up this morning ... it will be published (with some editing) in the Indianapolis Star with my dad's obituary and will also be used in the program at the funeral home. Rachel called and asked that I put some thoughts on paper .. and this is how that began ...

How does one take 84 years of a precious man’s life and put into a few paragraphs? How do we convey the depth of love we felt as his children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren and even a great-great-grandchild? And how do we convey his love for all of you?

Do we share how he told us every time we talked to him how much he loved us? Or just called us to say, “Can I pray with you today?” Or during the last few years when he was so afraid of chocking to death, hear a soft voice on the other end of the phone saying, “Please pray for me! I am afraid!”

Do we share memories from childhood of a dad who took his role as “Dad” very seriously—from teaching us how to ride a bike to driving us across the country in our faithful old station wagon to see the sights of the country. We didn’t mind that he was going to be speaking at a campmeeting – we just knew that Dad would take that trip and make it momentous as a family.


Do we share how he served in General Patton’s Third Army in World War II? Or do we share how he built his bride their first home when he was a student at Olivet Nazarene College where he was student body president in 1951? Do we share the times that he sat down beside each of us to listen … or to hear a little girl’s call from upstairs, “Daddy, I can’t sleep!” Do we share about his philosophy that since our mother took care of us all day, he would take care of us all night. And he did! Or to share in the delight in an accomplishment – whether it was the accomplishment of a child or grandchild, he celebrated with us!

Do we share about his love for his siblings .. his brothers and sisters and how he called his sister, Dorothy, almost every night or called one of us to tell us the latest joke told to him by his brother, Bob. How we would laugh together!

Do we share the basketball games he had with the boys or the rousing games of ping pong between father and sons. Or the political discussions at Grandma Nelson’s? Or do we share that it only took a call, “Dad, I need you” and it was quickly Dad to the rescue.

Do we share how he loved each one of us the same and yet differently .. and that was good! Or how he could sense when any one of us had a problem and, up until his health declined so that it was difficult for him to cope, we would get a phone call, “Is everything okay?” We found we had to tell him the truth – or he’d keep calling until we did. Do we share about his deep love for our mother and how they were a role model for marriage.

Do we share how he had to learn to live with Myasthenia Gravis and was pretty sure he knew more than the doctors and probably did. Or that he wrote a book, “Living Positively With Myasthenia Gravis”? Or that he already had a book published, "Fire and Fruit".

Do we share Dad’s love for ministry? For pastoral ministry, missions or his passion for training young people. And how that passion led him to establishing Bible Colleges where they could be trained.

How can we convey the deep love Dad had for everyone! Truly everyone .. he loved people! And because of that, didn’t know a stranger. As he shared again a couple weeks ago, “Dale Carnegie once said that the sweetest word in the English language is one’s name.” And there were very few people that Dad couldn’t call by name once he met them. Even when he couldn’t see – he could hear their voices and call out their name.

It’s difficult to know exactly what to share but I do know this, he was a “gentle giant”. He was the first to admit he had made his share of mistakes over the years but in doing so, earned a new respect from those who knew him. He loved His Lord more than he could express and you could hear him praying to his heavenly Father throughout the day. His desire was simply to be more like Christ. He wasn’t content unless He knew all was clear between his soul and His savior.

Today, we do know what to share -- that we rejoice in the fact that Dad is finally home with Jesus. And home with Mother and perhaps they are walking through heaven today where he can catch her up on all the latest news about the kids and grandkids and assure her that one day soon, we will all be together again – may the circle be unbroken!!

Funeral Arrangements for my dad, Rev. R.C. Boynton

Location information:

Viewing, Monday, October 5th, 4-8pm
Sproles Family Funeral Home
2400 South Memorial Drive
New Castle, Indiana 47362
Phone: 765.521.2400

Celebration of Life by family, Tuesday, October 6, 10am
Spiceland Church of the Nazarene
(1 mile south of I-70, Exit #123)
6293 S State Road 3
Spiceland, IN 47385-9798
(765) 987-7672

Funeral Service, 11am
Rev. J. Allen Southerland, officiating

Graveside Services, 3pm
Oaklawn Memorial Gardens
9700 Allisonville Road
Indianapolis, IN 46250

My dad has made his entrance into heaven!!

I am awake .. still trying to process the knowledge that my mother and dad have been reunited in heaven!! And while I am saddened and will miss him terribly, I am so glad that he made the entrance peacefully and that he is healthy, whole and able to sing .. and perhaps he has already sung his favorite song to my mom, "I love you truly" .. he sang it to her every night before they went to bed. He passed away around midnight.

Wow, I missed some birthdays on my blog ....

I had several "Happy Birthday's" in September and seemed to have missed sharing much about them -- I guess because I was off and running through most of this month .. however, I wanted to highlight two here -- Kamen's 11th and Roxanne's ... well, let's say she is now as old as Jack Benny! lol!!

Kamen's birthday is on September 11th so needless to say, we do not forget that date! He's growing into such a neat young man -- loves football, wrestling and most other sports! He's competed in wrestling and won! (Since his dad is a wrestling coach, that gives him some training advantage!)

So, a belated Happy Birthday on my blog, Kamen .. we've celebrated .. and hopefully he has been shopping in the past few days!!

I posted the following letter on my Facebook page but thought I would also include it here ... along with some great, funny, interesting, silly photos ... all depicting our oldest child!! We are blessed indeed!

Wow, it doesn't seem like ... ahem ... ?? years ago that you were born!! And while you were born on September 23rd, the date that sticks in my mind is October 5th, the day you came into our home and forever became our oldest child! Big brown eyes, wisps of curly hair and a personality that from early on won the hearts of all who came in contact with you.

Just six weeks later, I became pregnant with Sandi ... so for a month, you are the 'same' age! And my grandmother was certain that we must have adopted Sandi, too, since she was so blonde and fair. You became soulmates quickly and I have admired that about the two of you throughout the years.

You talked early -- 7 months with a wave of your hand and a "Hi". We laughed and knew we had to have the smartest child in the world. And when you were speaking in full sentences at 13 months old, we knew we had a genius. Okay, so we were first time parents .. but you had life pretty well figured out.

You were Sandi's interpreter and protector. She didn't talk quickly -- but she didn't have to. You figured out what she wanted and communicated that to us quite well. Over the years, your roles would change from time to time -- depending on which one needed the other one most. Again, such qualities to be cherished.

You made friends easily ... and lots of them. Your laughter brought comfort to many, I'm sure, and amusement to others -- like when you decided to stand up on the table in a fast food restaurant and sing until cops rushed in with guns drawn. Not a prank, just someone accidentally calling the cops .. it did make a memory.

From the time you were little -- 4 years old -- music was important and became your life. From "I Am A Promise" until now, your passion has blessed many people. I never worried about whether you would remember the words or the tune or follow an accompaniment tape -- it always came naturally.

You've taken your role as a mom seriously and we are so blessed by that. Watching your children grow up and then see you in your role as a grandmother is something I treasure. Meeting your birth mother was one of those treasured experiences and I am so glad we did that together. I love the poem I found for you ...

Not flesh of my flesh, nor bone of my bone, but still, miraculously my own.
Never forget for a single minute, you didn't grow under my heart, but in it.

Your willingness to give of yourself is an inspiration. During the past year when I was dealing with a broken leg, you never hesitated to be right by my side -- doing things you would definitely rather not be doing but doing it without complaint. And insisting that I do everything I was supposed to do! We laughed through a lot of it .. which made it much easier for me.

I always look forward to times when your laughter fills a room. It's fun to watch others get caught up in it and before long, everyone is feeling pretty good. However, I also know that behind that laughter many times may be hurts that you cannot share at the moment. I believe it is Chonda Pierce that says sometimes we laugh so we won't cry. And I know you've had your share of those times.

But, I'm glad you are striving to be a woman after God's heart. Not always easy when raising teenagers -- I guess I know since I raised four! Yet able to look back on those years and celebrate the good times and the great memories.

Which of course brings up the many trips we took across the countryside. Dad couldn't quite grasp the fact that you really do get carsick! He'd fly through the mountains and it's a miracle that we weren't having to stop by the side of the road. From the night in Yellowstone when it was much colder than we thought it would be and the van where you and Sandi were sleeping wasn't heated to the visit to the church where you asked your dad rather loudly why he was wearing a beanie on his head (while a service was going on), we have made memories!! Poor Dad ... having four daughters .. you, Sandi, Teri and Shonna ... sometimes had him a little overwhelmed on our vacations! But, he planned some awesome vacations -- it's just that he had to be reminded that you weren't the traveler! lol!!

Remember the time when you got tickled in the middle of a church service while someone was singing their heart out .. and Dad tried to keep you from laughing but couldn't keep from laughing himself. I knew that once you got started, there would be no stopping!

I know I'm rambling but there are so many memories that swirl through my mind ... like the couple days before Kasi was born. Yuo were always the most comfortable when Dad was home. So, you waited until he arrived home from Washington DC (he could only sit for the bar exam for the US Tax Court at that particular date) to decide it was "time" to head for the hospital. When he was home, all was good.

I'll never forget your wedding and that Chris didn't show up for the rehearsal. Not that he didn't want to but he, along with other family members, were stuck in Tampa airport traffic. I think he was picking up Leonard (a groomsman) and they arrived in time for the rehearsal dinner! Again, what memories .. or what about the most "unforgettable" time of all -- when Jim Lacy made his faux pas that forever will be etched in the minds of everyone who attended your wedding.. poor Jim! When he just couldn't get that tape started quite right for Kasi to sing ... but what a memory it made! I can still see Kasi at 5 years old rolling her big brown eyes at him!

And now you are a grandmother and I'm feeling old ... not really, but there is a difference when you are the mother of a grandmother and you watch your daughter in the role that was once yours. However, you are doing that well ... you and Chris are blessed by two great children and a beautiful granddaughter.

I am blessed by your talents, spiritual gifts, your personality -- but, most of all, by simply being you -- our first born. I am truly blessed to be your mom!!

I love you ... have a wonderful birthday!!

Wow, it's been a long time ....

When I looked at my blog and saw it had been such a long time since I posted here, I wondered where the time had gone!! I also post a lot on Facebook and perhaps that has just taken up too much time. I enjoy reading blogs and have some to catch up on now, too. I don't like to post too much since it seems like those who come back from a trip with lots and lots of photos and want to share them ... and while some are great, others are more for the one who is sharing them than the one who is viewing them. (Although my sister and sisters-in-law are the exception -- they have taken scrapbooking to an excellent art and there is always a story in their photos!!

The past month has been one of the longest and fastest months all at the same time! Wow .. I've been to Ohio and back -- that spread over almost three weeks -- visited my dad for several days, spent days with old friends (CampMeeting Kids Reunion), shared with friends whose father was making his final crossing into heaven, almost got flooded into or out of Atlanta .. wow! What rain!! A drought last year, no drought this year!!

Here it is .. almost the end of September .. which reminds me of so many birthdays in this month. Today, for example, is my cousin, Carol Hixson, and Bob's nephew, Brent Smith's birthdays. The beginning of the month -- wow ... Shaley (Rachel's), the 9th, Rachel and Bob's, the 10th, Kamen and Joel Ryans (Joel's grandson) on the 11th, and little Liam's (Joel's grandson) arrival on the 14th. Roxanne's was on the 23rd and I'm sure I am probably missing others -- oh, yes, and my cousin, Gary's, is on the 30th! I thought November was a busy month .. but September has certainly passed it up, I believe.

It's always fun to spend some time at Rachel's even though I will get trounced handily in a video game .. we still have to play Nintendo 64 as the new games are all Greek to me .. oh, then again, I don't think there are any instructions in Greek, are there?!! We have a great time .. since my mother is gone, I think the role of surrogate grandmother is mine and I do enjoy it. I don't usually get to play for more than an hour the whole visit but the kids seem to accept that as sufficient.

It was Shaley's 13th birthday while I was there so she and I had some 'girl time' at Steak 'n Shake. A neat time as she shares some of things she is going through at this stage of her life. I am so glad for the freedom she has in sharing openly with me .. about 'guys', about life, etc. Rachel has done a great job raising her kids and I'm glad to be a part of their lives. It seems that we just have this great big family -- Rachel is closer to my girls ages than to mine (especially the older two) so she has a close friendship with them. Her kids look to her as "Aunt Sandi" at times, but they are actually cousins. With the age difference, it seems that the roles are different but actually aren't. :)

I got to be with Jacinta and her new little guy -- even got to be with her at her first doctor's (pediatrician) appointment (photo at the top). I am soo glad I went with her - -everyone was tied up that day and I was getting ready to head home. But the timing was right and there are so many things to do -- forms to fill out -- on the first appointment so I helped take him to be weighed, etc. The doctor (one of the best pediatricians I've met, a lady probably in her mid-30's) asked me if I was in the medical field. I told her 'no' and she said, "But you understand everything I have talked about." I assured her that four daughters, eight grandchildren, and one great gave me a lot of experience!

Interruption ... Kasi and Roxanne came by for a little while .. Ava's birthday is right around the corner -- can you believe she will be a year old on October 28th .. a month from today!! She's starting to walk and has quite a vocabulary already.

So much for today ... will have to catch up more later .. lol!

They just keep growing up ...

Ava is growing up so quickly -- she has several names now ... some called her AvaJune .. all run together as one and Chris has a favorite name, simply "AJ"!

She has more personality and determination than most kids -- well, maybe not -- it's just been a while since my kids were little. Rudy may be about the same but I don't get to see him that often. Ava is just always on the move! So, when Roxanne brought her by today, she wasn't too happy if I tried to keep her on my lap for more than just a few minutes ... probably more like seconds!!

She's a cutie and lots of fun .. she stands alone (she's 10 months old now) and says quite a few words -- one of her favorites is "uh-oh" ... wonder why!! :)

Of course, being the true great-grandmother that I am, I had to add some photos since she changes so very quickly!

Determination -- I will get out of her arms one way or another!!!

But, she always has a ready smile -- sometimes with her nose all wrinkled up!! Just couldn't get the camera to 'click' fast enough for those today!

"What shall I read first? Theology? Well, maybe not ...."

She settled down to try to chew on a video!! Oh, well .. it seemed better than reading at the moment! Someday ...

An awesome vacation!!

Welcome to Colorado ... oh, yes, there's a story behind the Hershey's chocolate bar! We have stayed with Geof and Anjila Stimack many times (they live in Arvada) and the typical way to end an evening at their home was a cup of tea and a piece of chocolate. Geof thought they didn't have any -- but Anjila knew where the stash was and found it quickly!!

The next morning found us on our way to Glenwood Springs -- what an awesome place to spend a couple days. There is a mineral pool there that is 104 degrees. (You can only stay in it for 10 minutes at a time -- then you can go to the larger -- LARGE -- pool to cool off!)

In Glenwood Springs, we decided to take in local fare for our evening meal! Probably not the wisest choice! Poor Rachel -- she asked for coke -- they were out so they offered her Dr. Pepper and it didn't even remotely taste like Dr. Pepper so they traded it out for iced tea. I think she was afraid that 3 times would not be a charm so settled for the tea! Her face reflects what she thought of it all!

An awesome place in Glenwood Springs for ice cream! Banana nut! The best!

A great place for Sunday morning devotions!

The Hot Springs

Headed back towards Denver -- Rachel and Allen live off of Exit 123 on I-70 in Indiana -- here we saw an Exit 123 on I-70 in Colorado ... hmmm ... doesn't look like the same one!

Work day in the middle of the week!

What a neat place to have lunch! Geof and Rachel -- okay, they weren't the only ones having lunch but the only ones in the photo! lol!

Don't you love it when the photos are out of order and I don't take the time to rearrange them (which is so simple, I know!) This is Eisenhower Tunnel!

Geof read to us from "The Mountains of Noah" ...

I couldn't find this particular rest area on the way out to Glenwood Springs but did on the way back!

Lake Dillon ... what a beautiful spot. Bob and I have spent many hours walking along the path you can see near the lake.

Had to take Rachel to Casa Bonita -- a famous Mexican restaurant with lots of great entertainment!

We visited Focus on the Family -- spent several hours there and even met an old friend, Kathleen Waggoner who I hadn't seen in probably 40+ years!!

Below -- our dear friends Jan Merrill and Dennis Nawrocki. Dennis is the father of Mike Nawrocki, the co-creator of Veggie Tales and the voice of "Larry Boy"!

And then off to Rocky Mountain National Park -- what a neat drive -- a little scary at times since there are no guard rails most of the way and it is just a two lane road and quite a ways down the side!

What a view -- and below, it's time to say "good-bye" but what a great "home away from home" for a week! Thanks so much!!

41 Years of Irreconcilable Differences!

41 years .. wow, wasn’t it just yesterday that one of my friends was telling me, “We are going over to a campmeeting to see Bob Bedford .. do you want to come along?” I declined and I think I even laughed at them. I couldn’t imagine girls flocking anywhere to see a guy! They all seemed to really like this “Bob” guy and from what I had heard, he liked lots of girls, too. Little did I know that some 44 years later, we would be celebrating our 41st wedding anniversary!

I’m always amazed at people who smile widely and say they have a perfect marriage. Makes me want to run and throw up somewhere because as Bob reminds me, if two people agree on everything, one of them is not necessary!! Well, we are definitely both necessary if you consider that formula!! We qualify for the “Irreconcilable Differences” and love it! Because that is exactly what makes us complete.

It only took me about 40 years or so to figure that out! We are in the process of outlining a book that we are going to co-write on that very topic. That the very things we think are what pull us apart are what make us whole. And it’s all in God’s plan! Okay, so you think I’ve gone off the deep end .. you won’t be the first to think that and Bob probably heads up that list. He has shaken his head at me in wonderment many times over the years and probably asked, “What was I thinking?” Then again, I have probably done that, too … but wouldn’t trade anything for our lives together. J

It took me a long time to figure out that it was okay if we liked different foods … like one of my favorites my mother made while I was growing up, “Egg ala Golden Rod”! Bob looked at it, made a face and told me that would not probably ever be on his menu – and it hasn’t. What is it? Simply put, creamed eggs on toast with the cooked yolk sprinkled on top. Or good old fish sticks .. well, I’ll admit, that wasn’t the best choice we had but since my mother did not like fish (not sure she ever tried it) and wanted to make sure we had some in our diet, she chose fish sticks. I did actually like them … Bob couldn’t stand them. So strike that off the menu – except when he was away and then I could do like my mother did, fix all the things our husbands didn’t like!

He liked foods I had never heard of and some stuff I have never tried from down in Louisiana land .. crawdads? Forget it! I didn’t even care too much for shrimp creole but I do like catfish and he taught me how to love almost every other kind of seafood … well, almost every kind. We really liked the Calabash shrimp served at Winks Restaurant in Salisbury, NC. The best!! Oh, and Elaine Paul makes the best gumbo although I couldn’t begin to tell you all she puts into it!

So … I had to learn how to cook differently and for a while, felt a little intimidated by Bob’s mother who is an awesome cook. But, I came up with some pretty good dishes on my own and he loves those – the only problem, those are typically Sunday dinner fare – I just don’t like to have to figure out what to fix the rest of the week. Give me a crowd on Sundays and I love it. During the week, give me a bowl of cottage cheese and pineapple slices and I’m great – or breakfast for dinner! That’s a no-no for Bob – I love it, he thinks I’m odd! So, we just go to Denny’s from time to time to get that fix – my breakfast for dinner! And he looks at me with that raised eyebrow … and digs into his tilapia dinner (which, by the way, he has an awesome recipe he makes – for those weekday meals I don’t like to fix!)

Bob likes carefully thought out plans – I do too part of the time but as my kids can tell you, spontaneity is my life many times. I call them, “Do you want to run to the store?” “When?” “Now!” “Now? I’m not even dressed yet.” “Get ready, I’ll pick you up in 10 minutes!” And our vacations … let’s see how many places we can visit across the country, Bob tells us as I try to figure out where the closest beach is … give me a book and the sound of crashing waves and I’ll be happy for a week. Bob loves the beach … but to walk along at sunset. He can’t handle the sun – much more sensitive to the sun than I am so just about an hour and he’ll be sunburned. I could be out there all day and not be (don’t worry, I don’t do that!)

We have been almost everywhere across these United States – from all over the New England states to San Diego, California. We’ve taken three week trips out west where it was about 25 degrees in Yellowstone Park and our girls about froze running from our camper (which wasn’t modern enough for a bathroom) to the camp bathroom. Oh, I enjoyed those trips immensely, too … although I think I outdid myself when I thought it would be great to take a walk along the beach in one of the New England states. The girls have never forgiven me for that – okay, figuring distance isn’t my strength and somehow I seemed to forget that if we got somewhere we did have to walk back!!

I don’t like heights .. Bob loves them. He even got Teri to venture to the edge of the Grand Canyon and I wanted to go hide until they came back safely. I hid my eyes as we rode up the elevator at the Eifel Tower – Bob wanted to see everything on the way up. I felt relatively safe at the top since they had a lot of fencing. But, I was usually still pulling away and trying to pull him away – which frustrated him greatly!

I like activity and noise – Bob can take the quiet and be very comfortable. When there is hubbub in our house after a family dinner, you would find Bob sitting at his computer or taking a nap in our room after playing with the grandkids for a while. Me – I’m probably in the thick of things …
Bob thinks things through .. I have a tendency to act and then think although I have learned a lot in that area over the years. After Bob saying, “Didn’t you think about this before … “, I decided I really needed to take a little more thought. On the other hand, Bob has actually had many fun times following my lead … after he thought I was absolutely crazy!! He just wanted me to get the blame or credit for being the crazy one!

Our differences continue – I get freaked out by blood and injury – Bob takes it pretty much in stride. So, when Teri got her little finger cut or Sandi had a bicycle accident, Bob was the one to be with them at the hospital. We both knew it was better if I stayed with the other girls … he didn’t want to take care of another spazzed out female!

In Bob’s family, love was not necessarily expressed audibly. In my family, it was expressed often. That was another major adjustment for me and finally Bob had to simply say one day, “I am not like your dad.” I’m good with that now and Bob is much more expressive in his love for me and for our kids and grandkids. I did finally realize that I had a tendency to use my dad as a measuring stick – I think I was afraid, too, that Bob was using his mother when it came to cooking. J Now we use those differences in understanding others, too.

When we were growing up, my parents did their best to keep all of their disagreements private. And for the most part, I am glad for that and we worked hard to do that as well. They were so afraid that if they fussed at each other at all, we would have a tendency to not have as much respect for them or one above the other. But, there came a time when told them, “Okay, we know that life isn’t always perfect. It’s okay for you to have differences. It helps us to know how to deal with differences, too.” They did it with respect although in their later years, they fussed over little things and it became quite amusing to us .. and frustrating to them! If we received a call from my mother saying, “I’m in the laundry room” (at their independent living facility), we knew something had happened with Dad and she wasn’t sure how to handle it. We were becoming a parent to our parents and were praying for wisdom. They were married almost 62 years when my mother went on to heaven.

So while Bob and I are very different even in raising children, we did our best to discuss those issues in private. This is an area that I would ‘redo’ if I could .. having four girls, I understood them better or so I thought. So I had a tendency to be the “go between” with them and Bob. I was sure he didn’t understand them at all .. he thought I was too easy on them. Hindsight is 20/20 but I am glad that the girls have used our experience as they raise their children and we can all talk about it openly. Instead of using those differences, we abused those differences during those years. Yet, the girls will come to us and thank us for various things about how we raised them and I wonder, “Are we talking about the same thing?” In the midst of it all, God worked in all of our lives.

Our irreconcilable differences have worked well in ministry – take ice breakers at retreats, for instance. If you know Bob, he’s not one to make an absolute fool out of himself – except for his alter ego, Silas! Now when Silas comes on the scene, life is never the same. But, on the whole, it is me who is willing to act like an idiot (okay, so it comes naturally) to get people acquainted with each other. Bob would usually put a retreat program together and then tell me to add the ‘fun’ stuff. It actually took me many years to relax enough to do this in front of him. I always thought he would rethink his wedding vows and wonder what in the world had he gotten himself into! Sometimes I thought he was a little too serious at the moment and needed some levity. Oh, I’ve even directed Sunday School choruses in the middle of worship times at campmeetings. “Everyone on your feet! Let’s do the motions to these!” Bob would go to the piano and we’d have a great time – the people sang and did the motions and when they were done .. we were usually laughing hysterically but yet in a worshipful mood. (Laughter and worship? Yes, they can go together well!)

Expressing emotions – we are completely opposite in that area. I operated on emotions for many years and just couldn’t understand that Bob didn’t. When he wasn’t sensitive enough, I thought he was not caring enough. Little did I know that it was the constancy of his caring in his actions that would carry us through some tough times when my roller coaster of emotions might have derailed our relationship completely. When he told me once that he loved me because he had made a choice of the will to love, I was offended. Now I understand!

On the other hand, my intuition (typically not a strength in men although sometimes) was something he learned to listen to. Sometimes he would look at me like I might have come from outer space when I shared something I ‘sensed’, but when a few days later he found that I was correct in my assessment, he perked up his ears when I shared my concern. Now, I’ll admit, there have been times when I was a little paranoid but we both usually recognized those times.

Understanding women … most guys will typically laugh when you say those two words together and we have had our share of challenges in that area. However, I knew we had come a very long way in that area when I heard Bob tell how he had counseled a guy to listen to his wife’s “heart” … more than even the words. Wow! He also mentioned that in a sermon he prepared years ago about listening to our children’s hearts .. we had learned the hard way!

Over the past couple years, life has been more of a challenge .. but it has given us time to talk through some of these things and realize that there are things that matter and there are things that don’t. Much of what we think is important when it comes to differences doesn’t really matter in the big picture. Oh, there must be a solid foundation in our relationships but the differences are what make us unique … and make us a complete relationship.

One of the special times at weddings is the unity candle. For many years, I thought it was awesome that the two candles would join together and make one and then the individual candle would be blown out. What an awesome thought … but then again, maybe not. For while indeed we are “one”, we also bring some very big differences .. some strengths, some weaknesses … but when we are committed to God, he uses our irreconcilable differences to make us complete. So, I’ll admit, I like it when the candles are left lit after lighting the one in the middle. We don’t lose our identity in our marriage – we use our differences to make us complete.

So, as we celebrate our 41st anniversary and wonder where the years have gone and yet sometimes feel like we have been married forever, I am indeed blessed. Do we still have differences? Oh my, yes! Of course … but I don’t think I’m going to try to mold him into the person I want him to be .. he needs to be who God wants him to be. When that happens, we are truly “one” together and “One” in Him.

My bridesmaids .. Linda Bedford Davis, Shirley Throne Fogleman (maid-of-honor), me, Marilyn Cook Darnell, Judy Patterson Miller; Flower girl, Crystal Fankhauser Lynch; Miniature bride, Rachel Boynton Southerland

What we won't do for our grandkids! Singing, "We're the pirates who don't anything ... "


Roxanne, me, Bob;
Sandi, Shonna, Teri

On top of the world -- Pike's Peak and you'll notice I'm safely away from the edge!!