Happy Anniversary, Mother and Dad!!

65 years ago tomorrow, my mother and dad stood at an altar in Rock Island, Illinois, and pledged their love and lives to each other. They kept those vows until ‘death do us part’ … my mother on October 8, 2006 and my dad on October 1, 2009. Even after the passing of my mother and when we suggested that we would certainly understand if Dad needed a companion, his love for his beloved never wavered. He would just smile and shake his head when we teased him about a couple ladies who had their eyes on him at the nursing home!

Little did Dad and Mother know what would happen over those next 61+ years they would spend together. Just about a month after their wedding, my dad was off to World War II and the fear that he might not return weighed heavily on both of their minds. My mother has told us about the time that my dad was able to call her while overseas – about a two minute call and she remembers crying most of that time.

And a short synopsis of what followed .. well, how can you put 62 years into a short synopsis. Well, I’ll try!

After the war, it was off to Olivet Nazarene College where I made my appearance, interrupting my mother’s quest for a college degree. It was there he built their first home – and his desire to ‘build’ or remodel seemed to be always at the back of his mind. I remember several remodeling jobs he did on their homes throughout the years. His artistic and drafting skills served him well.

Tim followed while we were living in Peoria, Illinois where Dad built a church – imagine that! He loved building – not just a congregation but a facility as well. As I look back, I see that throughout all his life. From churches to Bible Colleges, he loved constructing, creating, developing, etc. That was hard for him to give up when they moved to Berkshire as he finally realized those days were over. (You can’t very well remodel an apartment in an independent living facility although I think he would have tried had he been in better health.)

Mark, Joel and Thad arrived in the latter part of the 50’s and Mother was kept quite busy with her growing family. But, she also added another responsibility when Dad felt the calling to establish a Bible College. She became his secretary / registrar / administrative assistant! With the help of a number of people, those dreams became a reality in 1958. Oh, how I remember those years and wonder sometimes if had they realized the time and sacrifice it would take, would they have done it all over again? Probably so! The love they had for young people and especially for missions was a driving factor. You see, they had felt a call to go to New Guinea as missionaries. They applied through the Nazarene Church and had been accepted .. everything was ready to go until my mother’s final physical and the doctor felt like she was not quite strong enough to endure the hardships of that field at the time. Disappointment was overwhelming – I remember hearing about it as I was growing up and whenever I hear stories of missions in New Guinea, I wonder for a few moments … “What if …..” I may have grown up on a mission field!

Those years were not necessarily easy but what memories they hold in my heart and I know in theirs. Our home was open to students and some even stayed with us from time to time. When I consider that my dad was 33 years old that first year of the Bible Missionary Institute, I almost cannot comprehend that since our youngest is 33. She’s a very capable young lady but I just can’t imagine what all it would have taken to oversee the establishment of an educational institution! I’m glad I was part of that “era” – I have so many great memories of students, of worship times, of friendships made that are still close today – and even of passing those love notes between students!!

Circumstances change, however, and my dad left the Bible Missionary Institute and moved across the river (Rock River, that is) and established the Francis Asbury Bible College in Milan, Illinois. And then … along came the last of the children, Rachel. Were they thrilled to have a little girl join the family? Were the boys thrilled? Was I thrilled? I think we were as they say, “over the moon” with excitement! With the heavy schedule my mother had as secretary / registrar / teacher, etc., Rachel became almost like my own and quite often, if we were out shopping, my mother would explain that both of these gals were her daughters, not just one.

And that rounded out our family and the influence of two godly people who had pledged not only to love each other but had added to that their commitment to Christ worked hard to raise their children in such a way that would please God.

I’m going to add a little here of what my brother, Tim, shared at my dad’s funeral that expresses so well what our parents’ influence on our lives:

“… bear with me for a minute as I honor the man who was absolutely the most godly man I’ve ever known. He was my encourager, my greatest cheerleader and in any type of business down spot I had in my life, I knew I could pick up the phone and he’d have a word of prayer with me on the phone. And just to have that in your back pocket would make all the difference. We as children were blessed with a heritage of having two loving parents who loved the Lord with all their heart. My dad never raised his voice to me. When he did discipline, he didn’t do it in anger. He had a unique way of making each of us feel special … I’m blessed beyond words to call this man my father and the love he had for my mother was a very, very unique relationship.”

Dad and Mother showed us how to treat each other. From the time we were little, we weren’t allowed to talk to each other (siblings) in an unkind manner. We were to treat each other with respect and I think that’s why we are so close today. Dad taught the boys that there are some things you do for a lady: Opening a door, a car door (I never saw my mother open her own car door when Dad was there); walking beside the road when walking along a sidewalk; standing up when a lady entered a room; etc. Mother taught us manners … sometimes to a fault but we knew what table manners and etiquette meant. (Did we all excel? Well, that’s another subject – who knows?!) But those things run through my mind to this day – elbows off the table; don’t get up from the table until everyone is done (unless you have asked permission); do not start to eat until all the food has been passed; don’t read at the table; don’t talk with your mouth full, etc.

Oh, and since Dad was an English major, we were encouraged to use proper English from a young age .. I learned the difference between “may” and “can”, “will” and “shall”, “lie”, “lay”, etc. And, for heaven’s sake, when someone asks you how you are, do not say “I’m doing good” but rather “I’m doing well”! What memories!! Oh, and lest I forget – adverbs!!! Just ask my girls! Dad was loving in his instruction but what he taught keeps running through my mind even now! And since Mother was a spelling bee champion, she expected that of her children. Most of us did pretty well in that area and if we didn’t, it wasn’t because she hadn’t tried.

They showed their love openly to us yet with great taste. It was common for my dad to slip up beside my mother, put his arm around her and give her a hug. They wanted us to know how it should be and they were truly a ‘class act’. Oh, and we could never chide or argue with our mates in front of them. Well, I should say, never even raise our voice to our spouse or we could expect some chiding especially from Mother. That simply wasn’t acceptable! And never argue in front of your children .. ever! And that is something that Bob and I worked diligently on. Hopefully we have passed that along to our children.

In later years when there were physical and emotional challenges, my mother would call me and always be so careful as she shared some of her own frustrations, trying not to ever diminish my respect and love for my dad. And he would do the same for her. We had to actually tell them that we knew they were as normal as any of us – and we thought no less of them for being ‘human’! In fact, it made us appreciate them more!

Probably the most valued treasure they left with us is their prayer lives! From the time I was little, they made special times when they prayed together and when we prayed together as a family. In their later years, I knew that early evening was the time that Dad prayed aloud. He named all of us children, all of our children and grandchildren – all by name! He prayed for other concerns and we knew that when he was done, he had truly been to the ‘throne of grace’ as he described it. Mother, on the other hand, could be found early morning in her chair with her Bible and little lists and post-it notes across her lap. She remembered all of us by name but we also knew that on those post-it notes were prayer concerns that were personal – perhaps from one of us but just as often, requests from her grandchildren. You see, they knew that she seemed to have a direct line to the Father and whenever there were needs, she was ready to add them to her list.

So, on what would have been their 65^th wedding anniversary, I want to say Happy Anniversary and say how very blessed we are to have had godly parents whose prayer was to meet every family member in heaven some day! And our prayer now is .. may that circle be unbroken!