The True Measure of a Man

I've been thinking quite a bit back over the past few weeks and especially my dad's funeral service -- I don't necessarily like the word "funeral" .. rather 'celebration' as it was truly a celebration of his life. I thought how while tears flowed, there was also much laughter as we remembered special times with Dad.

Dad had struggled over the past few years wondering if he done everything in life for the right reasons. He used the word "self-engrandizement" and wondered if he had indeed fallen prey to that. And, if so, had he hurt people along the way. Since he spent much of his time alone over the last three years, it allowed him to think .. sometimes a little too much over those things and he would call one of us. I would chide him sometimes .. and he might complain to Joel and Rachel about that .. but I wanted to remind him that those things he had committed to God and he needed to focus on how God had helped him to grow through these times.

I will never forget the time the six of us kids (just the six .. no spouses) arrived at Berkshire to surprise Mom and Dad. Oh, what a surprise that was for them -- almost too overwhelming for Dad. It was just the eight of us as it had been when all of us were younger and I was not yet married. We gathered in the living room and instead of Dad and Mother praying for us, we began to pray for Mom and Dad. It was probably one of the most precious times we have had as a family. We laughed a little -- we went out into the hallway for photos -- those photos were on the handout given at the viewing / funeral service. One serious photo and in keeping with tradition, one crazy photo! I mean .. really ... would you expect them all to be serious!! My mother's expression on her face told it all .. she knew that behind her were six kids making absolute fools of themselves -- except for Joel. He keeps us all in balance!

As we gathered for the funeral service, we realized that although Dad had impacted so many lives across the years .. his service to Bible Colleges, his role as pastor and evangelist, and in the work place, the greatest impact of his life was on those sitting in those first several rows at the church .. his children and grandchildren.

He had shared the requests he had for his funeral -- it didn't include a special guest speaker, preacher, etc. He asked that his son-in-law, Allen, share two of his own (Dad's) sermons. He trusted his family to share his heart .. he had entrusted his to us fully and he trusted us to share it with others. We had entrusted our hearts, our cares, our concerns to him and he had not failed us either!

Six children -- twenty grandchildren -- not counting the spouses, the greats and the great-great! We gathered together to do what he had done for us but in a different way ... he had given us all his blessing -- he had prayed a blessing on each one of us a few years ago at a reunion. Now we were here at this service to rise up and call him blessed. No, perhaps not the Proverbs 31 style -- but to call a man who loved us unconditionally -- blessed. Did he make mistakes? Oh, yes .. we all do. But, one of the greatest reasons I respected my dad so much -- and especially in the later years -- was his willingness to say, "I'm sorry. I made some choices I regret." He felt like some of those choices had negatively impacted his children and that grieved him greatly.

He loved us and prayed for us daily and and always when we were ready to leave after a visit. My last memory with dad was a few weeks ago when I was leaving Glen Oaks, he said, "Can we pray?" He began to pray but I knew he was failing when his voice trailed off and I finished the prayer for him.

So, what is the true measure of a man? Is it because of all those he has ministered to across the years? Is it the number of books or articles he has written? Is it what positions he holds?

While all of that is good, my answer is 'no'. For iin our family, it was shown by his children and grandchildren getting up and saying at the 'celebration service', "He loved us! He prayed for us! He played with us! He lived his life for us! And we are blessed!"

And, as far as I am concerned, that is the true measure of a man! And I am indeed blessed!

Finding Shoes! (Forget "Finding Nemo"

Finding shoes ... so what is there to write about that? Well, take four little guys and Saturday nights growing up in the Boynton household. My dad was a stickler for shiny black dress shoes -- no matter what age you might be. Glad for shiny patent leather shoes for me, huh?

So on Saturday night, you would hear my dad calling to us, "Let's get your shoes shined" and then he would line the shoes up by the front door ready for Sunday morning. Only problem .. there always seemed to be at least one shoe missing! Always .. I'm not sure which boy's it was only that there was one person who would have to look for it ... "Linda, we need to find shoes!" And off I'd go to look for shoes ... and believe it or not, I would find them! And I would usually find them in plain sight!

Of course, once I got to thinking about this memory, others flooded my mind so perhaps you can bear with me as I become a little nostalgic .. okay, maybe a lot ...

I've shared before how much my dad loved being a dad -- so much so that he promised my mother that while she took care of us all day, he would take care of us all night. It was my dad who sat by my bed when I couldn't go to sleep or had a bad dream. He has reminded me even over the past months of conversations we had. I think he may have reconsidered his promise to my mom the night of my 16th birthday when we all had pizza and obviously, it was not good ... we were all sick and he was racing from one bedroom to another!! He didn't complain ...

However, when he was teaching me how to drive, I think he may have wanted to take out the parent contract and re-read it. He grabbed for the dashboard more than once! Which brings me to the last trip I would make with my parents a few years ago .. wow, I started out talking about shoes and end up taking my parents to church! (I know, I've been known to ramble a lot .. I admit it1)

It was a Sunday morning about five years ago and my parents were anxious to visit their home church, Southside Church of the Nazarene in Indianapolis. I was going to drive them there -- imagine that. Dad was going to trust me to drive! Actually, he had no choice and he hadn't driven in quite a while. My mother had but that is another story in itself.

The only problem was that Mother and Dad couldn't agree on one thing and that was, "Where are you going to drop us off before you park the van?" It was a 20 minute trip to the church and most of that 20 minute trip was discussing the pros and cons of every entrance to the church -- while there are probably only two or three, we took enough time discussing it that there may have been 10!

My dad wanted to go around the back, I believe, but my mother said there were steps and since he was in a wheelchair, that wouldn't work. Okay, maybe there weren't steps - couldn't remember for sure. I interjected that I thought I would drop them off at the front door where it was easiest -- they ignored me and continued discussing.

So my frustration level was a little high that morning .. I admit it! It was a challenge to get them both into the van and with my dad's physical challenges, we had to take along an extra bag of necessary items. (Won't go into detail there.) So, I had gotten all that done but was a little weary by this time -- and their bickering (okay, my parents didn't bicker -- they 'discussed') was getting a little wearisome. And I was sure I was going to have to say something .... soon!

Finally, I told them I where I was going to drop them off ... at the front door, period!! No argument, that was what it would be. So there .. I had done it politely, didn't raise my voice so they would have reason to chide me ... but ... my mother was so funny. Actually, she didn't think what I said was funny but she made some kind of a noise akin to a snort and said, "Well, who do you think you are?"

My answer was simple .. "I'm the one with the keys!" She said, "Well" .. and that was all!

And ... I dropped them off at the door with no complaint .. it worked well, there were greeters to help, the church actually had a wheelchair and all was good! And they never mentioned the conversation again!

Little did we know that it would be the last time they would be able to attend church outside their assisted living facility. (There were Sunday services there at Berkshire where they worshiped and also took part in the services every week.)

Back to shoes .. it was a little sad this past Wednesday night when we were cleaning Dad's room and I looked at his shoes that were going to be thrown away. They were well worn, not the usual sleek ones he wore as a young man but ones that were more focused on support and comfot. Back in the day, he would have looked at those shoes and said, "Oh, these shoes need a good shine."

Then I reminded myself that he has a brand new pair of shoes now -- ones that will never be lost again and will never need to be polished!!

Finding shoes? Oh, he's found his new ones!! And I wonder if he'll remember those days of long ago ... sweet memories!