"My Tribute"

There are two dads in my life these days -- one, my birth father and secondly, the father of our children – Roxanne, Sandi, Teri and Shonna.

I always thought I would have boys -- I had four brothers and waited FOREVER (it seemed) for a sister, who did indeed arrive almost 15 years after I was born. But, it seemed I was always surrounded by boys. So, it seemed a given that I would have boys! However, that was not to be. Bob and I decided after about a year of marriage that we were ready to begin a family. Was I old enough? Probably not but figured I had plenty of experience being a second mom to four (Tim was a little too old to be mothered by me!)

But, after a year of waiting, it seemed it was not going to happen. We were living in New Castle, Pennsylvania, at the time and there was a great need for foster parents. We decided to become a part of this program and within a few weeks, had a nine year old boy. Now, I was prepared for boys in general but hardly for a nine year old who came from a very dysfunctional family. These days, they throw around the word ‘dysfunctional’ like it is the norm, but be assured that this little guy, Jimmy, came from the ultimate one. His mother had run off with a guy leaving his dad with five children in a home that really couldn’t even be described as a house. Jimmy had never been in a grocery store. He would celebrate his ninth birthday in our home. He was only there six weeks but I will never forget the day that he returned home for as long as I live. He sat across from me in the welfare office and pleaded with me to get permission for us to adopt him. It was so difficult to tell him that we didn’t have the power to do that.

Within a day or so, another little guy came to live with us and for a time, we thought he would be able to join our family permanently. He was just 5 months old – his mother was Italian, his father, Puerto Rican so he had a beautiful caramel complexion. He stayed in our home for about 3 months and found a very special place in Bob’s heart. Oh, he was very special in my heart, too, but there seemed to be a very close bond between the two of them. Bob was a dad! However, the day came when our case worker knocked on the door and in what seemed to be one long breath, said, “Darren’s mom has decided she wants him back but we have a little girl whose mother has requested a Christian home and we want to know if you’d like to adopt her.” Whoa!! Just a minute now! My mind began to turn summersaults and they were not the good kind. In just a short few days, Darren would be leaving our home. This was the little guy who had found a ‘daddy’ in Bob and called him, “Dada” whenever he saw him with his little arms outstretched. The next few days were horrible and I ended up sick in bed as my mind couldn’t grasp our little guy going back to a mother who was a professed prostitute!

But, I couldn’t stay there long because in just a few days, a little girl was joining our family and by the time she arrived, we were ready and waiting – our oldest daughter, Roxanne. We fell in love with her at that moment and she found a place right under our heart … oh, in case you wonder why I said “under our heart”, I gave Roxanne a plaque sometime ago that reads:

Not flesh of my flesh

Nor bone of my bone,

But still miraculously my own.

Never forget for a single minute,

You didn't grow under my heart,

But in it.

Now we were officially parents! And Bob held a special place in Roxanne’s heart and still does! As does often happen, within six weeks, I was pregnant with our second child, Sandi. I was ‘sick as a dog’ quite literally and in all honesty, I think Bob was ready to trade me in for anything but me before Sandi arrived. Of course he didn’t, but it was a very stressing time for us all. He has quite the tales to tell about right after Sandi’s birth when I was still rather ‘out of it’ and gave him all kinds of crazy answers until my mind finally defogged somewhere along the line.

Now we had two little gals who were just 10-1/2 months apart. For some reason, some people seem to find it their place to ask ignorant questions. Like, “Now that you have a child ‘of your own’, are you going to give Roxanne back?” “Or, how many children do you have?” At that time, Bob’s answer was quick and sometimes a little curt, “We have two daughters of our own!” (Did you know you cannot disinherit an adopted child but you can a birth child. Oh, Roxanne used that to her advantage every once in a while!)

I remember one time when Bob was preaching a revival in Peoria, Illinois. Sandi was just a couple months old and Roxanne 13 months. Rox had quite a vocabulary by this time. Bob was seated on the platform and the two girls were with me. Roxanne couldn’t quite see him as the service began and asked in a loud voice, “Where’s MY daddy?” Bob heard her and leaned around the pulpit so she could see him. Not missing a beat, she called loudly, “Peek-a-boo, Daddy!”

Sandi was only a little over 5 pounds when she was born – I weighed all of 110 lbs when she was born! Yikes -- don’t laugh when I say this but my nutritionist told me that my metabolism is only perfect when I am pregnant. No, I am not having 12 children just to keep my weight down but I sure wish I could fool my body into thinking I was. Roxanne talked for Sandi and was her protector. When we would ride in the car (in the old days), Sandi would be on my lap and Roxanne would stand between Bob and me, a hand on each of our shoulders. When Sandi started school, she did not like to ride the school bus and I’m afraid I was a wimp when it came to those issues. So, Bob patiently took her to the bus stop and waited while she got on the bus and seemed to be more able to handle her crying than I did. I guess he knew what needed to be done and stuck to that.

Teri came along next and we were pretty sure by her activity prior to birth (I think she learned her aerobics still in the womb), we were sure she would be an active child. Uh -- yeah!! She still is and kept us on our toes. She was probably Bob’s boy out of all the girls. I know that may sound a little odd but she seemed to fit that roll. When Teri was about 2, she got her finger caught in a small motor (putting her finger where it should not be) -- sort of freaked out but Bob calmly picked her up and took her to the doctor. He was also the one who took care of Sandi when she got her foot caught in a bicycle wheel (spokes) and it cut to the bone. She ended up in the hospital getting a skin graft. Again, I was a wimp and it was Bob who was the patient one and who never seemed to get ruffled by it all.

Shonna was the last but not least! Bob watched her fight for her life after she was born. She had aspirated amniotic fluid (which had her first bowel movement in it). The doctor told us he drained off about 28cc off of her lungs. I was not able to watch all of this happening but Bob stood right by the doctor and watched it happen. Once they felt they had drained her lungs, Bob said they pumped the oxygen into her and he watched her begin to pink up from her toes right up through her body. (For those who are familiar with the Apgar scale, she rated a 4.9 when she was born!) That is a memory he will never forget!! She had some other challenges and there were a few days when we wondered whether she would live – but, she did and we are so grateful!!

So, Bob began his life in the Girls’ Dorm and he was never again the same. We would go on trips and I think he became overwhelmed with curling irons, hair spray and feminine products! He would get quiet from time to time (traveling) and we knew he was in ‘female overload’ and needed space. He loved planned summer vacations for us and for the most part, the girls have loads of happy memories. The only bad ones related to Roxanne’s car sickness! Or the fact that Bob didn’t like to make bathroom stops – and that’s with a carload of females!!

As the girls were growing up, Bob knew if he wanted time alone with God, he needed to start early before all the girls hit the bathroom and prepared for their day. So, he was up early – and always in God’s Word before his day officially began.

I’m afraid I was a little tough on Bob in those early years. I compared him to my dad who has always been a touchy, feely person. Bob had not been raised with that kind of father, but I sort of expected him to just jump in and act like my dad. I should have known better and time has taught me many lessons in that regard. Just because he wasn’t ‘touchy / feely’ didn’t mean that he loved our girls any less than my dad loved me. I have watched his life over the years as he poured himself into our girls and I knew they had not been shortchanged at all!!

The last year has not been an easy one for our family. However, if there is anything that we know for sure – Bob is still our anchor. One of the things I have appreciated about him the most is that he is consistent – not just as a person, a husband, a pastor, a friend, a mentor, etc. But, always as a dad! The girls could tell you in any particular instance what his reaction would be. That could either strike fear (depending on the circumstance) or the sense in knowing they had disappointed Dad. That was probably the most difficult. But, they knew he would always be consistent.

Bob never raised his voice – except maybe once or twice and the girls will know what the circumstances were that caused that. Other than that, he spoke calmly but firmly. While I zigzagged all over the place in my emotions, his were predictable. Sometimes we wanted more emotion, but in the long run, it was probably his stability that held us through difficult times. And still does! His consistency? His daily devotionals are included in that now!

I remember when he had the heart attack in Alaska. I had been on crutches after knee surgery and the doctor called me in the hotel room (Bob insisted that I not go with him to the hospital – he would worry more about me there than where I was!) -- after giving me an update on Bob, he asked if I wanted to talk to him. What a predictable question I asked! “Is everything going to be okay?” Without hesitation, in his soft voice, he simply said, “Everything will be fine.”

Even now, in the midst of what seems to be very difficult circumstances to those looking on, I am glad I can echo that same response to him – “Everything will be fine.” Each evening when he calls, I know that no matter how the day has gone, in response to my question, "How are you?", he will almost always respond, "I am great. It has been a good day." He is consistent -- in good times and in difficult times!

Bob has taught our girls well:

• He taught them loyalty no matter what the circumstances were. Bob is probably one of the most loyal friends I know.
• He told them to trust God at ALL times even when you can’t see the outcome.
• God knows the big picture that we cannot see.
• He told them not to put your faith in people – they may fail you – God won’t.
• He taught them how to live out sermons he preached by living them himself prior to ever sharing them.
• He taught them that you should never discuss a situation with someone unless “you are both part of the problem or part of the solution.”
• He taught them that character truly counts. From the time they were little girls, he read them stories out of Character Sketches.
• He taught them that to be angry with someone, you give them control of you.
• He taught them that even if people criticize you, it is important to just keep living a Christ-like life. God keeps the records!

So on this Father’s Day, I want to say Happy Father’s Day to both the dads in my life. Both have had a dynamic impact on my life and I wouldn’t be the person I am today without the investment they have both made in me. I am indeed blessed!!

In Honor of My Dad on Father's Day!

I have a busy weekend coming up and am afraid I won't get this posted in a timely manner. So, therefore, I am posting it this evening. I know I will have additions -- I always do. I guess in our day, we call it 'post scripts' or P.S. Those were the days! So, I am going to share some of my thoughts about my dad -- coming from his oldest daughter.

I am not sure the first time I really remember my dad. I think as a child, all at once you have memories that include your dad and you just know that he has always been there. My first “real” recollection was my kindergarten graduation and a tradition which had already been started during my parents’ dating years – and continues to this day!! My mother was in the hospital so my dad took me to graduation. I wore a lavender dress of an organza type of fabric and my dad presented me with a corsage in honor of my graduation. An orchid was the primary flower in my corsage. Many years later, I would carry orchids in my wedding and several of the granddaughters incorporate orchids into their planning.

My dad came from a home that was very much ‘across the tracks’. He grew up with an alcoholic father and a mother who died when my dad was just 8 years old. Imagine the Mother’s Day after her death when in the school program, my dad was asked to sing the song about Mother’s … “M is for the million things she gave me ….” Not a dry eye in the house, I’m sure. During his teenage years, it was typical for him to go to the bar to bring his father back home. The one bright spot in his life were his siblings. From his oldest sister (who gave birth to her first child just a week after my dad was born) to his little brother, just two years older than him. They became his lifeline. At 83, you will find my dad each night about 10pm (eastern time) on the phone with his sister, Dorothy. She and his brother, Bob, will be coming next week to visit him which will be an awesome treat. My dad’s sister, Florence (Aunt Flo to us!) helped raise my dad. They became a close family and even if we haven’t seen other family members in a while, it’s like no time has passed.

My dad was drafted into the service and after marrying my mother in December 1944, he headed overseas convinced that he would never come home again. He has told us stories of war and how those memories are still vivid in his memory! After the war ended, he toured through Europe with an Army singing chorus until his time was ‘up’ and he came home. God had given him a call to preach so attended Olivet Nazarene (College, at that time) University and became student body president in 1950-51. In 1949, I made my presence known and he became a father. One that I would look up to for the rest of my life. However, since my dad’s health problems have caused him to stoop, I now am taller than he is. But, he is still tall in my mind and in my heart!

At this Father’s Day, I thought I would just write down some of my many memories of my dad in a ‘bullet’ sort of fashion and what makes him special – besides being MY dad! (I better not say ‘bullet’ around my dad – I’m sure it would transport him back to wartime!)

My dad ...

• taught me to ride a bike -- "Look, Dad, no hands!"
• always checked to make sure the sashes on my dresses were neatly tied and that everything matched. He usually added a spit-shine to my face and hair for good measure.
• took us to Long View Park after dinner when we lived on 16th Street in Rock Island. (Supper, as it is known in the midwest!) I loved the underpushes and requested them over and over. Somehow, he never tired of doing that.
• awoke us each morning to his rousing rendition of "Good Morning to You ... We're all in our places with sunshiny faces; And this is the way (hit a high note!) to start a new day."
• introduced us early in life to Mr. Silas Pookenheimer -- a gentleman who seemed to arise from behind billows of shaving cream on my dad's face. We couldn't quite figure out where he lived the rest of the time but we sure lived those visits.
• treated my mother, my sister and me like ture ladies. He always opened the car door for us (and especially for my mom) and taught us that if we were walking with a man on a sidewalk, the man should always walk beside the road for protection.
• spent much time in prayer -- especially with my mother. We had family altar but I always knew they spent special time together with God.
• taught us more grammar lessons than we ever cared to learn about in an entire lifetime. (And don't grade me on this post!!) I think I have learned more about "can and may", "shall and will", "lie and lay", etc., etc. And adverbs -- oh, they were his pet hobby, I think. And my kids -- they still remind me of how I reminded them of adding those "ly's" when it was appropriate to do so!
• listened for our voices during the night. He told my mother early on that the nighttimes were his for the care of the children. She would take care of us during the day and he would all night. There were many nights when I poured out childhood fears to a dad that listened with all his attention. I stood at the top of the stairs many times as a young child - not able to go to sleep and knew that he would never turn a deaf ear. I was just one of six to whom he poured out his love. As a child, I often had leg cramps and I knew that my dad was only a call away .. he would come to massage those cramps away.
• took us on lots of trips that incorporated campmeetings into those travels. I loved the trips for the most part -- except when, on occasion, I was given the task of keeping track of three cute little guys. Did I think they were cute then? Probably not -- maybe a little irritating ... okay, so I did love them ... and still do!
• wasn't terribly concerned if part of our house didn't look exceptionally neat -- as long as the living room did. Where the front door was located! He said as long as the area near the front door was straightened up, we were okay! I remember many times when he would come home and grab a few things on his way through the living room.
• introduced us to Harker's Island campmeetings and we knew we would never again be the same! You have to visit there at least once in your lifetime! There is a whole different culture and you will treasure those days! Of course, my dad thinks part of the reason I treasured those days was that there were a few young men attending, too.
• also poured himself to many, many other young people across the country who came to attend either the Bible Missionary Institute or Francis Asbury Bible College where he served as president. I think one of the sad things now is that he feels that he was too rigid in rules, etc., and wishes he would have done things differently. However, there are many who are still caught up in that mindset who haven’t done as my dad has done – come to each of us personally to say, “I’m sorry.” We have to assure him that we are all okay no matter what the circumstances were. We knew he loved us unconditionally and also loved those young people he served!!
• understood me for the most part. It was quite amusing (and perhaps a little frustrating) when I would go to my mother with some sort of emotional problem I might be facing and about three words into it, she prodded me with, “Can you talk to your dad about this? He understands you so much better than I do.” The tables have now turned – and I understand him so well – better than he ever wants to admit. I have now begun to take on a parental role with him – and in a sense, my heart aches for those years gone by.

Dad still listens ....

The spiritual legacy my dad has given me is my greatest treasure. I don’t remember a time when serving God wasn’t a top priority in my dad’s life. Even though there are times when he questions himself as to whether he has been everything God has wanted him to be and beats himself up for past failures, we haven’t doubted his motives. He has operated out of a heart of love.

My dad is one of the two best preachers in the world according to me (and I know that I am prejudiced!) The other one is, of course, Bob! I remember when my dad would preach and he knew how to incorporate humor into his messages until you would be crying with laughter – and then he came home with the real point of the sermon. It is difficult for him to share now and I’m sure that’s frustrating to him. However, on many evenings, you will find him directing his scooter along the hallways of Glenn Oaks Health Campus (where he calls home) and singing and praying with residents along the way. We assure him that his ministry is not over – not just to his own children but to those he meets every day who needs the message of the gospel!

So, while I know I have not nearly included everything I would like to, I just want to say that I consider myself to be very blessed by having a father such as mine. Happy Father’s Day, Dad!!

If you've never had a toothache ...

... don't even bother to read this post because it probably won't mean a thing to you. I have had one -- I've had an abcessed tooth that was more painful that I can begin to describe. (I associated the pain a little with childbirth! Actually, a whole lot!!!) So when Roxanne showed me her swollen face today, I knew there was need for immediate attention and action. However, when you don't have dental insurance and money is not growing on trees in your yard, getting treatment can be somewhat of a challenge. Our county health department has a dental clinic -- for children! And since Roxanne is over 35 (a little ways), we didn't think she qualified for treatment as a child.

We began making calls -- we have a friend who is a dentist down in Lake Wales (about an hour from here.) But, Roxanne would have difficulty getting there and they couldn't work her in until tomorrow. Her face was swelling almost moment by moment ... Chris was finally able to get in touch with a parent of students at Northside (where Chris is the dean of students). The parent is a dentist and was able to work her in immediately with a "No charge" at the end of the appointment. She does go back on Friday for a root canal but for tonight, she is supplied with antibiotics and Tylenol 3. That has already begun to give her some relief.

I did not plan to post photos -- as soon as I saw her come back in from the dentist (and also having empathy for her), I grabbed my camera so she could look back on this after she felt better. She immediately stated firmly, "This better not show up on your blog!!" I assured her it wouldn't and didn't plan to. But, the more we looked at the photos and the more tickled I got trying to take the photos -- I tried not to laugh and she was trying not to laugh but couldn't help herself --so, it was, "Go ahead and put 'em on there!!" So ... here they are ... the whole 'tooth' of the matter!

Swimming for Survival

Here in Florida, I believe the #1 cause of death in children is drowning. So many homes have pools and while many also have the "childproof" fences around them, it is still a danger. So, when Rudy (Teri's son) was born, she was determined to get him into swimming lessons as soon as possible. I was intrigued by the lessons -- although watching the lesson was not a fun time. Rudy was not happy although he did what he was supposed to do after being put under water -- turn over and float! While he is learning to "swim" now, he is prepared to "survive" if he falls into a pool. He just turned 13 months ... so I'm sure he will be a great little swimmer soon!

Today, we - Roxanne, Kasi and I, visited friends, David and Amy Balty and their three boys, Zachary, Samuel and Seth. We only planned to stay 30 minutes and Kasi's comment was, "Well, we know it will be an hour." Well .. she was partly right -- what started as 30 minutes stretched until almost three hours that breezed by more quickly than I dreamed time could fly. We were greeted by four year old Seth who is so much fun -- and remembers more than you can believe! He was on the other side of the door calling to us, "Come into our home!!" I barely got in the door and he was in my lap reminding me of the last time I saw him "at Cracker Barrell on Hampton Road" and that I had been in my 'white car' which he had climbed into and sat in the back seat -- and I had a bag in the car. Neither Amy nor I could necessarily remember the 'bag' but figured he was probably correct!

David served us to strawberry shortcake ... wow!!! Melt in your mouth kind of food!! It's always a delight to be with their family and this was no exception. Kasi had actually met them the same time I did and Roxanne had been with me on another occasion so we didn't necessarily need any more introductions (except that Roxanne had not previously met David.) . It was nice just to visit .... and then ... they got to talking about text messaging and Roxanne and Kasi decided to give Amy a crash course in 'texting' -- which brought much laughter as the photos below show.

Oh, by the way -- Seth is part of their family but he decided he would rather sit beside me than to join his family photo ... since he wanted to make sure he was a part of the family, he made sure I got a close-up!!

The afternoon finished with Zachary entertaining us with stories of classmates ... he has quite a gift of sharing and may be a stand up comedian someday. On second thought, he already is!! (I doubt that is what his parents have in mind for him -- but it may help him to open doors in the future!)

It was good to see Amy feeling well again .. she had a rough go of it for a while!! But, God is good and she is getting back to 'normal' -- whatever that is for a busy mom of three boys!!