"Just stepping on shore ...."

Just stepping on shore and finding it heaven,
Just grasping a hand and finding it God's,
Just breathing new air and finding it celestial,
Just waking up in glory and finding you're home .. "

That song has always meant a lot to me but when Bob read those words during my mother's funeral service, they really struck home. I know others whose mothers are now in heaven know that in a way, Mother's Day is not quite the same as when she was here with us. Yet, there is a comfort in knowing she is finally 'home'!!

I wrote this as I was going through my mother's office following her death ... my dad and I did laugh from time to time -- especially as I passed him with yet another bag of things I had to get rid of ... but, let me go back to my original post ...

Where do I go from here??

As I looked at my mother’s office, I wasn’t quite sure where to start … my mother was of the belief that if she found a newspaper or magazine clipping that might be used for someone at some point in the future, it would be wise to keep it. We had laughed together about that on various occasions when we almost got into a tug-of-war .. not literally but figuratively. I would say, “Let’s throw it away … when are you going to use it?” To which she replied, “Oh, I don’t know but I’m sure I will need it .. sometime!” So, I was now going to go through the task of going through those same clippings and wondering what was special about each one. Well .. that is stretching it .. had I actually thought that about each one, I might still be there in the office … reading, deciding …. keeping, throwing away .. etc., etc.

As I began to get rid of various items which held value only as they related to my mother (were she still alive), I had mixed emotions. Part of me was hesitant about throwing things away yet hearing a little voice that reminded me, “Remember when I told you I wanted to go through all this stuff before I passed away … now you understand why!” And I smiled and actually chuckled out loud probably … and my dad wondered what I was doing and would ask from the living room, “What was that?” I would tell him that I had just found a another file with a multitude of copies of articles as I gently tossed it into the trash bag in front of me and wondered for a moment if perhaps I was being disrespectful or disloyal to my mom. At the same time, I felt I had her blessing! (I wondered if maybe she felt relief that it was finally getting done!)
So, it was back to the task at hand and every once in a while, I’d hear my dad ask again, “What was that?” when I found a treasure "Aha!" … something that I tossed into my own box which, by the way, ended up being seven boxes .. crammed full!! Bob hasn’t decided he wants me to bring them into our house – after all, don’t we have our own stuff that I have promised to go through for the past ..??... years?!

And Post-It notes … please understand when I share this and don’t throw anything at the computer … we actually placed some post-it notes in the casket with my mother. I know .. we probably are viewed as rather crazy but there were some very special ‘jokes’ in our home and those included post-it notes and duct tape! I found all kinds of post-it notes and still have some I am looking through. Some simply had a grocery list on it .. others had prayer requests … probably the funniest thing was a photo I found of when my mother had put post-it notes all over the front door for my dad. (Yup, the photo at the top of this post!) I remember seeing her shopping list before and you could be sure that post-it notes and toner for her printer would head up the list. Oh ... and duct tape. Would you believe that we found a package of 'pocket duct tape'??" Unopened but I'm sure she felt like she would need it someday!

Back to the toner for her computer ... she had planned that pretty well, I believe. When I wrote up my report on her funeral service, I did that on her computer and then printed it off. I got one copy … and the toner ran out! Coincidence? Perhaps but somehow it seemed that many things were just "right" ... just the way they needed to be for her to be able to leave us.

More later .. but for now, I’ll leave you with the door of post-it notes … and special memories!!

The following post was written by Rachel at Thanksgiving after my mother passed away and she did such an outstanding job of sharing her thoughts and emotions ...

Dear God,

Thank You for my dear Mother. There has not been a day that has passed that I haven't wanted to pick up the phone and call her. I miss talking to her every day and sometimes more than once. See, she was the one I could call when I had a special prayer need. I knew she would take it before You, God, and plead my cause and then she would give me her advice on the matter. I miss her so much!

Thank you for my dear Mother. I see her in just about every part of my life. The recipes I cook daily remind me when Mother went to work full time, I was 13 years old. I had the responsibility to fix dinner every night. I would call her when I got home from school and she would "walk" me thru the recipe and I learned how to cook. I even remember our 1st Thanksgiving after we were married and Mom and Dad were at Tim and Susan's. We couldn't go, so she helped me with recipes to make my first Thanksgivng dinner.

Thank you for my dear Mother. I think of her every Sunday and probably miss her the most on Sunday mornings before church. (She sometimes would call and say she was praying for our service.) I'm reminded that she was a mother of 6 and pastor's wife who had to get to church to play the piano, just like I do and sometimes I just don't feel too excited to fulfill those duties...I am sure she felt that way too. I miss Sunday dinners where mom would fix dinner....roast or pork roast and Dad would mash the potatoes. Jene' and Shara remember a lot of meals like that, but my younger ones don't have a clue what I am talking about and that hurts. We have made Sunday family dinners a tradition at our house too. (I think maybe we could carry on the same traditions that remind us of Mother in our own homes.) I miss Mother's calls on Sunday afternoon when she would ask "How did your service go?" and "How many did you have?" (I even miss the 7:30 calls when Mother was having her devotions and she would call to see what was going on in the Southerland household, so she could know how to pray for us. God, I miss that the most!!!!

Thank you for my dear Mother......that you allowed her to pass away on a beautiful Sunday, her favorite day and while the sun was still shining. She desired to go peacefully and You made that possible. It was such a sacred time and Your presence was so real and Your peace was so real.

Thank You God for our family. Thank You for the support of Linda, Tim, Mark, Joel, and Thad and their families during such great time of grief. Thank You for Linda being like Mom to me just like when I was a little girl and I couldn't decide if I wanted to live with her or Mother. Sometimes I feel so young to lose my mother, but I know others have lost theirs when they were younger...it just doesn't ease the pain. We cried together, laughed together as we went thru mountains of "stuff" in Mother's office. We cried over all of her notes and were amazed at her forethought in so many detailed areas. As I read thru several e-mails she sent me, I wept as I was reminded of her great faith in You. She knew You never failed, she knew You answered prayer and would answer her prayers.

Thank you for hearing my prayers and help me to be such a great woman of faith.Thank You for strength and help to get Dad moved ... the many, many hours that Linda worked and threw away maybe 40 bags of stuff. (Mother had wanted to do that before she passed away!) Thank you for everyone's help in the move...Linda helped organize it all and the boys helped out, too. We never could have done it without everyone helping out. (We took orders..ha) Thank you that Susan was able to stay with Dad after mother passed away for several day....that was such a comfort to Dad. The move for Dad was very smooth. Thank You God for working out the details of Dad's new place the day after mom's funeral.

Thank You for my dear husband who has allowed me to grieve and comforted me when I would wake up after dreaming about Mother....the grief seemed so unbearable...he was there to hug me and just let me cry. Thank you that he sacrificed the time so I could be with Dad and help him out. Thank you for my dear children that have really felt the loss of G'ma in their lives. Thank you for Shara who babysat many hours so I could be at the hospital and take care of a lot of other stuff for G'pa. Please help me as a mother to teach my children just like my mother taught me, to love You and serve You with their whole being and be passionately "in love" with You. I want to remind them of their G'ma often and tell them how much she loved them and prayed for them daily and also how they brought so much joy into her life. I want to keep those memories alive.

God, please comfort my Dad during this time. I know he feels the loss so greatly and he's so lonely and misses Mother's prayers. Thank you for him and the example he and mother set before us daily. We are truly blessed with such a great heritage. Please help us to encourage Dad and help him during this time. God, I know this holiday will have such fresh pain as we feel the loss of Mother. I know it may not always be this difficult, so help us to never forget all the promises we made to Mother as she was starting to make her entrance into Heaven. Remind us of these daily and may we strive to live extra close to You in our preparation of that one day when we will see her again.

God, please tell her I miss her so very much and the tears fall often, but I know I have Your hope that I will "meet her in the morning". Thank You for Your peace and grace that sustains and keeps me. Please tell her "Happy Thanksgiving"...we will remember last Thanksgiving as she said she was ready to go to Heaven.....and how she said, as she wept, that each one of her family was so very precious to her and how much she loved each one of us.

Thank You for my dear Mother!

And from all of your children, Happy Mother's Day, Mom!!