"My Tribute"

There are two dads in my life these days -- one, my birth father and secondly, the father of our children – Roxanne, Sandi, Teri and Shonna.

I always thought I would have boys -- I had four brothers and waited FOREVER (it seemed) for a sister, who did indeed arrive almost 15 years after I was born. But, it seemed I was always surrounded by boys. So, it seemed a given that I would have boys! However, that was not to be. Bob and I decided after about a year of marriage that we were ready to begin a family. Was I old enough? Probably not but figured I had plenty of experience being a second mom to four (Tim was a little too old to be mothered by me!)

But, after a year of waiting, it seemed it was not going to happen. We were living in New Castle, Pennsylvania, at the time and there was a great need for foster parents. We decided to become a part of this program and within a few weeks, had a nine year old boy. Now, I was prepared for boys in general but hardly for a nine year old who came from a very dysfunctional family. These days, they throw around the word ‘dysfunctional’ like it is the norm, but be assured that this little guy, Jimmy, came from the ultimate one. His mother had run off with a guy leaving his dad with five children in a home that really couldn’t even be described as a house. Jimmy had never been in a grocery store. He would celebrate his ninth birthday in our home. He was only there six weeks but I will never forget the day that he returned home for as long as I live. He sat across from me in the welfare office and pleaded with me to get permission for us to adopt him. It was so difficult to tell him that we didn’t have the power to do that.

Within a day or so, another little guy came to live with us and for a time, we thought he would be able to join our family permanently. He was just 5 months old – his mother was Italian, his father, Puerto Rican so he had a beautiful caramel complexion. He stayed in our home for about 3 months and found a very special place in Bob’s heart. Oh, he was very special in my heart, too, but there seemed to be a very close bond between the two of them. Bob was a dad! However, the day came when our case worker knocked on the door and in what seemed to be one long breath, said, “Darren’s mom has decided she wants him back but we have a little girl whose mother has requested a Christian home and we want to know if you’d like to adopt her.” Whoa!! Just a minute now! My mind began to turn summersaults and they were not the good kind. In just a short few days, Darren would be leaving our home. This was the little guy who had found a ‘daddy’ in Bob and called him, “Dada” whenever he saw him with his little arms outstretched. The next few days were horrible and I ended up sick in bed as my mind couldn’t grasp our little guy going back to a mother who was a professed prostitute!

But, I couldn’t stay there long because in just a few days, a little girl was joining our family and by the time she arrived, we were ready and waiting – our oldest daughter, Roxanne. We fell in love with her at that moment and she found a place right under our heart … oh, in case you wonder why I said “under our heart”, I gave Roxanne a plaque sometime ago that reads:

Not flesh of my flesh

Nor bone of my bone,

But still miraculously my own.

Never forget for a single minute,

You didn't grow under my heart,

But in it.

Now we were officially parents! And Bob held a special place in Roxanne’s heart and still does! As does often happen, within six weeks, I was pregnant with our second child, Sandi. I was ‘sick as a dog’ quite literally and in all honesty, I think Bob was ready to trade me in for anything but me before Sandi arrived. Of course he didn’t, but it was a very stressing time for us all. He has quite the tales to tell about right after Sandi’s birth when I was still rather ‘out of it’ and gave him all kinds of crazy answers until my mind finally defogged somewhere along the line.

Now we had two little gals who were just 10-1/2 months apart. For some reason, some people seem to find it their place to ask ignorant questions. Like, “Now that you have a child ‘of your own’, are you going to give Roxanne back?” “Or, how many children do you have?” At that time, Bob’s answer was quick and sometimes a little curt, “We have two daughters of our own!” (Did you know you cannot disinherit an adopted child but you can a birth child. Oh, Roxanne used that to her advantage every once in a while!)

I remember one time when Bob was preaching a revival in Peoria, Illinois. Sandi was just a couple months old and Roxanne 13 months. Rox had quite a vocabulary by this time. Bob was seated on the platform and the two girls were with me. Roxanne couldn’t quite see him as the service began and asked in a loud voice, “Where’s MY daddy?” Bob heard her and leaned around the pulpit so she could see him. Not missing a beat, she called loudly, “Peek-a-boo, Daddy!”

Sandi was only a little over 5 pounds when she was born – I weighed all of 110 lbs when she was born! Yikes -- don’t laugh when I say this but my nutritionist told me that my metabolism is only perfect when I am pregnant. No, I am not having 12 children just to keep my weight down but I sure wish I could fool my body into thinking I was. Roxanne talked for Sandi and was her protector. When we would ride in the car (in the old days), Sandi would be on my lap and Roxanne would stand between Bob and me, a hand on each of our shoulders. When Sandi started school, she did not like to ride the school bus and I’m afraid I was a wimp when it came to those issues. So, Bob patiently took her to the bus stop and waited while she got on the bus and seemed to be more able to handle her crying than I did. I guess he knew what needed to be done and stuck to that.

Teri came along next and we were pretty sure by her activity prior to birth (I think she learned her aerobics still in the womb), we were sure she would be an active child. Uh -- yeah!! She still is and kept us on our toes. She was probably Bob’s boy out of all the girls. I know that may sound a little odd but she seemed to fit that roll. When Teri was about 2, she got her finger caught in a small motor (putting her finger where it should not be) -- sort of freaked out but Bob calmly picked her up and took her to the doctor. He was also the one who took care of Sandi when she got her foot caught in a bicycle wheel (spokes) and it cut to the bone. She ended up in the hospital getting a skin graft. Again, I was a wimp and it was Bob who was the patient one and who never seemed to get ruffled by it all.

Shonna was the last but not least! Bob watched her fight for her life after she was born. She had aspirated amniotic fluid (which had her first bowel movement in it). The doctor told us he drained off about 28cc off of her lungs. I was not able to watch all of this happening but Bob stood right by the doctor and watched it happen. Once they felt they had drained her lungs, Bob said they pumped the oxygen into her and he watched her begin to pink up from her toes right up through her body. (For those who are familiar with the Apgar scale, she rated a 4.9 when she was born!) That is a memory he will never forget!! She had some other challenges and there were a few days when we wondered whether she would live – but, she did and we are so grateful!!

So, Bob began his life in the Girls’ Dorm and he was never again the same. We would go on trips and I think he became overwhelmed with curling irons, hair spray and feminine products! He would get quiet from time to time (traveling) and we knew he was in ‘female overload’ and needed space. He loved planned summer vacations for us and for the most part, the girls have loads of happy memories. The only bad ones related to Roxanne’s car sickness! Or the fact that Bob didn’t like to make bathroom stops – and that’s with a carload of females!!

As the girls were growing up, Bob knew if he wanted time alone with God, he needed to start early before all the girls hit the bathroom and prepared for their day. So, he was up early – and always in God’s Word before his day officially began.

I’m afraid I was a little tough on Bob in those early years. I compared him to my dad who has always been a touchy, feely person. Bob had not been raised with that kind of father, but I sort of expected him to just jump in and act like my dad. I should have known better and time has taught me many lessons in that regard. Just because he wasn’t ‘touchy / feely’ didn’t mean that he loved our girls any less than my dad loved me. I have watched his life over the years as he poured himself into our girls and I knew they had not been shortchanged at all!!

The last year has not been an easy one for our family. However, if there is anything that we know for sure – Bob is still our anchor. One of the things I have appreciated about him the most is that he is consistent – not just as a person, a husband, a pastor, a friend, a mentor, etc. But, always as a dad! The girls could tell you in any particular instance what his reaction would be. That could either strike fear (depending on the circumstance) or the sense in knowing they had disappointed Dad. That was probably the most difficult. But, they knew he would always be consistent.

Bob never raised his voice – except maybe once or twice and the girls will know what the circumstances were that caused that. Other than that, he spoke calmly but firmly. While I zigzagged all over the place in my emotions, his were predictable. Sometimes we wanted more emotion, but in the long run, it was probably his stability that held us through difficult times. And still does! His consistency? His daily devotionals are included in that now!

I remember when he had the heart attack in Alaska. I had been on crutches after knee surgery and the doctor called me in the hotel room (Bob insisted that I not go with him to the hospital – he would worry more about me there than where I was!) -- after giving me an update on Bob, he asked if I wanted to talk to him. What a predictable question I asked! “Is everything going to be okay?” Without hesitation, in his soft voice, he simply said, “Everything will be fine.”

Even now, in the midst of what seems to be very difficult circumstances to those looking on, I am glad I can echo that same response to him – “Everything will be fine.” Each evening when he calls, I know that no matter how the day has gone, in response to my question, "How are you?", he will almost always respond, "I am great. It has been a good day." He is consistent -- in good times and in difficult times!

Bob has taught our girls well:

• He taught them loyalty no matter what the circumstances were. Bob is probably one of the most loyal friends I know.
• He told them to trust God at ALL times even when you can’t see the outcome.
• God knows the big picture that we cannot see.
• He told them not to put your faith in people – they may fail you – God won’t.
• He taught them how to live out sermons he preached by living them himself prior to ever sharing them.
• He taught them that you should never discuss a situation with someone unless “you are both part of the problem or part of the solution.”
• He taught them that character truly counts. From the time they were little girls, he read them stories out of Character Sketches.
• He taught them that to be angry with someone, you give them control of you.
• He taught them that even if people criticize you, it is important to just keep living a Christ-like life. God keeps the records!

So on this Father’s Day, I want to say Happy Father’s Day to both the dads in my life. Both have had a dynamic impact on my life and I wouldn’t be the person I am today without the investment they have both made in me. I am indeed blessed!!