Of light switches, buzzers and paper towel dispensers ...

What do those things have in common? Minds of their own, of course!

I talked last night about the light switch -- the whole night seemed to be a comedy of errors. An IV was pumping some magic solution into my body (wonder if I'll glow in the dark) and with new technology and the fact that the IV thingy wasn't moving as quickly as the nurse would like it to, it was being pushed along by a pump. Said pump would very loudly protest when it had no more magic solution so you would here three short beeps -- beep-beep-beep by a very short interval of peace. Remember, this is about 1am or so .. but, hey, who's keeping time anyway??

It seems that while the pumps have their own alert system, other than making some crazy insistent "Listen to me, I'm over it!" type of screech, no one seems to listen. After about a minute of it (or less), I was happy to reach for the 'call button' and 'call' someone ... anyone who cared but at 1am, it seemed I was the only one that did!! Aha .. finally, a voice that sounded more like radio static than a person, "Can I help you?" "Yeah, Can you listen for a minute ..." Of course, it would have to be at that exact moment that said pump decided to come up for air and be quiet.

Soooo, I had to explain that there was some sort of creation in my room making some major fuss about something or other and I was patiently 'over it'. Actually, I've been a patient patient this entire week, thank you very much!!

The 'static' responded, "I'll tell your nurse." Okay, let's see -- eeny, meeny, miney, mo ... (how do you spell that anyway???) It might be Imma or Adrienne or Pat -- all them are good but who will be the most anxious to get an obnoxious noise maker (not me, of course) to be quiet.

So ... nurse arrives, fiddles with the machine but it protests a few times until it finally gave up with a resigned grunt. However, the nurse isn't the one to actually shut down the place, room, etc., -- that would be Mimi, the personal care tech for that shift. Mimi is a sweetheart but doesn't seem to be concerned to much about figuring out some simple ways to make things easier on herself.

I even tried to help her -- "You know, you can unplug my computer cord at the end of the bed so you don't have to prove how high you can jump in the middle of the night to get to this side of the bed..." Her response, "That's okay, I can get there from here." Right -- clang, clang. What was that??? Glad I didn't know then what I know now-- I had asked the girls to bring my "White Diamonds" (if you don't know what that is, then you don't know what it is ... perfume stuff ... TMI, right?)

In Mimi's desire to be coordinated, she grabbed the window sill but not realizing that the White Diamonds were there and I was so thankful that when it fell on the floor, it didn't break. (I did hear her mutter, 'What was that?' but other than that, she just keI'm not sure what the response would have been to anyone entering the floor -- hazardous fumes -- don't inhale!!

Okay ... where was I? Oh, Mimi .. I really was getting rather tired and as I mentioned last night, I like to sleep in the darkness. But, I can't get out of bed with a bum leg especially to turn off a light. (Remember when we played the game, "Last one in bed gets to turn off the light" but since hospitals are not really places for games, better stay cool!)

"Mimi, can you turn off the light?"

"Of course, Ms. Bedford. No problem ... " Oh, let's sing for a minute while we do a search .. "Oh, where, oh, where did that light switch go?" (Yank a cord in time to the music -- sounds like she is pulling down the ceiling.) "Oh, where, oh where can it be?"

And so the search begins ... I told my nurse, John, this morning -- "You may have some of the most brilliant people in your trauma hospital here, but surely they could add a course on 'How to Find a Light Switch' somewhere." Funny thing, he agreed with me!

Back to Mimi looking for switch -- I loved this one. She's looking all around to see if there is anything remotely similar to a light switch. Leans over to check the wall a little closer, has to lean down to do it and sets off the automatic paper towel dispenser over her head. The noise momentarily shocks her and I'll admit, we were both quite sufficiently amused! Amused but tired! I was tired -- she was tired (although she had another 4 hours of work left)!

Well, have paper towels now -- but we still have light, too. Paper towel vanishes into trash can. (By the way, you can see the paper towel dispenser in the photo behind and above Kamen's head. Guess we stayed far anough away to get attacked by it! The switch for the overhead light in my room is on the right side of the big white 'box' on the wall behind me.

Poor Mimi -- a little put out by a paper towel dispenser and not wanting to look foolish for losing the 'bet ya can't find the lightswitch game', she shrugged her shoulders and headed out the door.

I'm not going to bore you for the next half hour on how frustrating it can be to be so close and yet so far from a light switch -- so, the short version (yup, I can actually keep it short!) I tried to sleep with that light on so tried to cover up my head with the one extra pillow on the entire floor which is so thin, it could qualify for an oversized Wheat Thin. Didn't work and the fact that a couple had to decided to take their evening stroll around the 5th floor dragging an IV contraption behind them (glancing in my room every time they passed), just didn't help to make me sleepier.

Okay .. back to beeper -- obnoxious beeper ... Beep!!! Static voice, "May I help you?" (Although at this time of the morning, it was more like, "What do you need?") How do I explain that I simply want someone to find an on/off switch button!

Good ol' me, don't want to offend anyone so add enough 'pleases' to sweeten every pie from here to the coast (all of about a mile), ask, "Um, would it be possible when you have time in the next little while to turn off my light?" She probably wanted to answer, "Get up and do it yourself" but because of my kindness, she responded, "I'll tell your nurse." Oh, here we go again ....

Fortunately, this time .. the nurse was actually came quickly. It took her all of about 5 seconds to walk through the door, flip a switch on the wall and "there was darkness"!!!

Sort of, that is ..... it seems that after she did that, she forgot to shut the door and with the brightly lit hospital corridor "Supplies Here" sign right outside my room, it still wasn't much better.

Let's see -- it's now 5am -- Nurse comes in -- "Here are your morning meds. By the way, would you like me to shut your door when I leave?" What -- you mean after finally making myself get to sleep around 3am or so and trying to drown out the other beepers that hadn't yet been put to sleep, I'll get some peace now to go back to sleep?

Hardly but there is one consolation -- big consolation -- I was going home and I am so excited I can't sleep!!! I'm home and it is sooo quiet -- now I can't go to sleep for the quiet!!

But, don't think I'm going to go looking for elusive light switches, buzzers on IV machines and the like and paper towel dispensers that go off whenever there is a whisper of moisture in the area -- I'll be content in my own bed and I better go to sleep before someone invents something new!!